Many of us enter this whole cohabitating thing with a lot of love, but without a clue. We get blindsided by the amount of joint-decision making there is to do — like dividing the logistics, in a way that is transparent, fair, and manageable. Because it’s so uncomfortable to talk about, people tend to just gravitate toward the things they notice — which is not the same as aligning on the workload as partners. Operating independently means work is done without recognition and resentments build over the tedious day-to-day stuff.  In the absence of direct conversation, one party ends up taking on the lion’s share of the work. Studies show that this is often the woman, who ends up feeling burdened by both the physical and emotional labor involved. The workload becomes so exhausting, there’s not enough energy left to cultivate the relationship.