When I ask parents about their rest and relaxation habits, they often get a guilty look on their faces — not because they think they’re taking too much time for themselves, but because somewhere, in the back of their minds, a little voice reminds them that they’re not taking enough.
Yet, when I suggest to a new mom that she pick up a hobby that gets her out of the house for an hour every week or recommend a regular date night to tend the spousal flame, the guilt swings like a pendulum. As parents, we somehow manage to convince ourselves that taking any time for ourselves somehow deprives our children of… something.
And even when we manage to get past that sense of guilt — when we’re running on empty and know we need to pull over before we fall asleep at the wheel — we face the age-old questions: But how? When? Where will I find the time?
While writing TIME TO PARENT, I had the honor of speaking with Dr. Matthew Edlund, “the Rest Doctor” himself. His research shows that there are 4 types of active rest — that is, rest that requires you to carve out mere minutes or even seconds during the day — that will leave you feeling more alert, focused, and present, despite being short on shut eye.
Physical Rest
A proven way to improve mental alertness, motor skills, and mood is to give your muscles and mind a chance to relax. Take a moment to just sit (or lie on the grass, or on the sofa). It’s recharging just to be still, even if you can’t sleep.
Mental Rest
If you have been focusing on something for a long time, combat mental fatigue by shifting your focus. Whether you are overthinking a parenting problem and can’t figure out what to do, or rereading the same paragraph at work without absorbing it, give your brain a brief respite. If you are at the office, look at a sedentary living thing (plant or desk flower) or an image you like for twenty to thirty seconds. Consciously shifting your attention for a short period has been shown to improve focus and positively impact blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature.
Social Rest
Humans seem to have an instinct for this, knowing that human contact, even for an introvert, can be energizing. It’s why people tend to congregate at the water cooler or chat with neighbors on the front stoop. Taking a conscious break to chat for just a couple of minutes has proven to be an extremely effective shot in the arm: it can reduce stress and provide hormonal and psychological benefits.
Spiritual Rest
Brain scans have shown that people who meditate or pray are able to physically expand their brains’ frontal lobes, the section that controls concentration, attention, focus, and problem analysis. While longer chunks of meditation and prayer (twenty-plus minutes) may be more common recommendations, taking even one minute to pray, meditate, or imagine something existential — like moving through time and space — can calm and recharge.
As a parent, learning how to inject “active” rest into your schedule is a game changer. These relatively tiny rest stops won’t break your momentum — they will just make you more productive and more present in each thing you do, allowing you to bring out the best in yourself and your child.
I’d love to hear your favorite active rest techniques. Share them in the comments below!