Over the past few months, parents across the world have had impossible demands on their time and energy. On a good day, the balancing act between attending to your own needs and those of your child(ren) is a tall order. Add a global pandemic to the mix — which added homeschooling, along with a wealth of other complications, to your already overloaded to-do list — and parents quickly joined a long list of unsung heroes in our current society.
As you reflect on your experiences with homeschooling — whether you feel like you knocked it out of the park or it knocked you on your butt — consider that formal schooling is but one of many ways that we raise our children to be successful adults. And the good news is, some of the best teaching we do is incorporated into our everyday interactions with our children — no additional time investment required.
Understanding and recognizing the ways that all parents teach can both empower you and take some of the pressure off. The three primary modes of teaching are:
Teaching by role modeling:
Role modeling is a way of teaching without taking any additional time away from your own life or your kids’ lives. It is through going about our daily lives, caring for ourselves and others, that we demonstrate important traits and skills that we want our children to inherit. Kids absorb and mimic the behaviors they observe.
Being a role model requires you to be conscious of your own actions — and may require you to invest some time practicing and internalizing the behaviors you want your kids to emulate:
If you want your kids to be more active, are you yourself exercising regularly? Do your kids see that? Can you invite them to join in? Or join them in their play? Do you want your kids to spend less time in front of a screen? What non-screen forms of entertainment are built into your daily routine? Making those changes will benefit you AND your kids.
Teaching by role modeling takes a bit of time and conscious effort on your own part — but not nearly as much time as teaching exponential equations. It allows you to lead by example, while taking care of your own needs — exercising, eating healthy, taking time to recharge — and imparts the value of striving for personal growth.
Teaching by observation:
Teaching through observation occurs via “together, but apart” activities, where you are in the same space as your kids, but you are doing separate activities. For example, you are making dinner while they are working on an independent project or homework at the kitchen table, paying attention to how focused or distracted they are, or if there’s a particular subject that frustrates them.
The beauty of teaching through observation is it requires virtually no additional time on your part. The key is simply to be nearby, conscious and aware of what your kids are doing, but not directly involved. Try sitting and reading a book while they are outside playing, listening out for what parts of the game interest them, their reactions and any commentary they make.
Ultimately, you can think of teaching by observation as the “lesson planning” stage of teaching — done in a fraction of the time it takes a school teacher. The more time you spend observing your child, the easier it is to guide with finesse and feel confident in your instruction. Observation allows you to get to know your child, can collect information and be ready for the right time to bring up a particular issue.
Teaching by direct interaction:
Moments of concrete guidance are the most direct form of teaching. Sometimes kids seek our instruction (“Can you show me how to . . .”), and sometimes there are things we are excited to show them how to do: how to ride a bike, pour cereal, cross the street safely. And, of course, there are also moments when we need to discipline or correct our children for their own well-being.
Direct interactions require dedicated time. Depending on your child and the situation at hand, it may take a few seconds or a few minutes. And teaching directly can take all forms: levity, a quick aside, confiding heart to heart, a serious moment, etc.It takes regular practice to get it right. But remember, it’s just one of the many ways we teach our kids important life lessons.
Done well, teaching in all its forms cultivates close and loving connections with your children and builds a good, trusting rapport. Of course, formal education is important. And hopefully, at some point, that will go back to the professional teachers — who we appreciate now, more than ever. But, in the meantime, as you grapple with the possibility of continuing homeschooling in the fall, I encourage you to embrace the power you have to teach your kids important life skills, simply by being you, without setting any extra time aside.
For more tips on how to impart life lessons and wisdom, this summer and beyond, see:
Life Skills to Teach Your Kids: