We all desire self-care. More importantly, we’ve all come to understand that we need self-care. The physical and psychological benefits of self-nurturance have been scientifically proven, time and time again. It’s no longer a revolutionary concept. But we often struggle to attain and sustain it because, well, life happens, getting in the way of our best laid plans. So what can we do?
I stumbled upon the solution, quite accidentally, while writing my most recent book, Time to Parent. I’d set set out to answer the question, “How much time and attention do kids need to feel loved and secure?” Diving deep into the literature on child development, all the experts agreed: children thrive on short bursts of undivided attention delivered consistently, more than big blocks of time delivered occasionally. This was a mind-blowing discovery for me, and an incredibly liberating notion for most parents. And then came the epiphany...
Just as we can nurture children in short bursts of undivided attention, so too can we nurture ourselves in these short, micro-bursts of attention to ourselves and our own needs. Too often, we think we need to carve out huge blocks of time for self-care: two hours at the gym, a quiet evening to finish a book, a full weekend to catch up with friends. It’s nearly impossible to find these big blocks of time consistently, which makes self-care incredibly difficult to maintain.
It’s time to reframe our thinking on self-care. Stop looking for big blocks of time and start looking for small pockets (20 minutes or less), that you can truly rely on — small, meaningful moments with measurable results. Here are a few examples to get you thinking:
Self-Care Goal: Improve sleep
Most of us desire to get more (and better) sleep. Those moments before bed — the transition between the end of your day and falling asleep — can be particularly hard for many people. You might find yourself stuck in limbo, going over your to-do list(s) in your mind as you try to fall asleep, plagued with worry about the things you didn’t get to or the tasks on your plate for the following day. What 10 minute thing can you add into your sleep routine that salves that transition?
Micro-Burst Solutions:
Do something creative. Activities such as drawing or knitting can be productive escapes that help relax and refocus the mind on something other than your work-a-day worries.
Stretch and move your body. Doing a simple yoga routine or spending a few minutes on deep stretches before bed can help to relax your muscles, preparing your body for sleep.
Journal. Taking five to fifteen minutes to record your thoughts, experiences, and what you feel grateful for can be extremely relaxing to many people. Putting your worries down on paper before climbing into bed can help release them from your mind, allowing you to drift off to sleep more easily.
Self-Care Goal: Improve work-life balance; reduce stress at work.
Most of us are go, go, go — working over 45-50 hours per week and never taking a moment throughout the day to check in with ourselves. How could you carve out 5-15 minutes in your work day for something that is truly renewing?
Micro-Burst Solutions:
Take a walk. Fresh air and a chance to stretch your legs can make all the difference in your day. Take a few minutes after a conference call or before diving into a major project to clear your mind. A quick stroll around the block or through your company campus can make all the difference.
Make your own lunch. Resolve to spend ten minutes eating lunch away from your desk. Allow yourself to fully appreciate the effort you put into re-fueling your body, savor the taste and smells as you nourish yourself.
Connect. Call your spouse or a friend for a five minute check-in at the same time every day. Or FaceTime your kids when they get home from school. These small touch points throughout the day not only strengthen your connection with your loved ones, they can provide you with a quick boost of love and support to carry you through the rest of the day.
Self-Care Goal: Cultivate a new hobby
We all have those things we used to love to do — long weekend ski trips, curling up all day with a good book, or spending hours in the art studio — until our lives got too busy. But our hobbies are what restore us physically, emotionally, and psychologically in the most efficient way imaginable; it’s something you do just for you. How can you open up the space to provide this care and nurturance to your soul?
Micro-Burst Solutions:
Writing can be incredibly cathartic. Start out by writing short compositions: haikus, poems, a short story, or an autobiographical sketch. Writing is like a muscle, the more you exercise it the stronger it gets. Overtime, you’ll be able to write more in less time.
Play an instrument. Thanks to the internet, you can teach yourself to play almost any instrument at home, for free. Focusing on the guitar, piano, or harmonica for even ten minutes a day can be tremendously relaxing — far more so than an hour of television or mindlessly scrolling through social media.
Learn a fact a day. Spend less than five minutes a day learning a small, interesting tid-bit — about the history of Jazz music or the greatest sporting upsets of all time. Whether you dive deep into an existing field of interest or venture into unknown waters, expanding your knowledge base can be an extremely fulfilling and rewarding experience.
Though you may be tempted to try them all, start by choosing just one thing — something that takes just 20, 10, 5, or even 2 minutes — that really recharges you, something you find simply delicious. You’ll be amazed how one simple thing can change the narrative of your day. And if you’re so inspired, you can find another 5, 10, or 20 minutes to add another activity, and another, and another overtime.