Parents are constantly juggling responsibilities: work, household logistics, personal and professional relationships, loving and raising the kids, all while trying to find time for self-care, exercise, hobbies, and a little shut eye. On a good day, managing this juggling act is a delicate balance. What happens when life throws you a massive curveball?
Aside from managing the everyday ups and downs, there are unpredictable and disruptive life events — including moving, divorce, illness, job loss, a global pandemic or the rise of a social movement — that can derail schedules and routines, throwing off any semblance of balance you may have had. Often, during these times of crisis, the very first things to “go” are quality time with your children and for yourself.
When life hands you a curveball, your time, energy, and brainpower are eclipsed by a million and one additional things that need to be decided, organized, and executed. What’s worse, these situations almost always take an emotional toll on you and every member of your family. As a parent, you have the added responsibility of managing your own additional emotional load and helping your kids cope with theirs.
With all the additional responsibilities on your plate, navigating curveballs will require you to master two rules that don’t always come easily: 1) you’ll need to ask for help, accept it, and divvy up tasks with grace; and 2) you must triple down on self-care. These two go hand in hand. Master them, and you’ll be able to withstand all the heavy lifting without missing a beat for your kids. Let’s break them down:
Rule #1: Divvy Up The Labor
No matter how independent and self-reliant you prefer to be, dealing with extraordinary circumstances is an enforcing mechanism for all parents to learn to reach out for and accept help. During times of crisis, friends, neighbors, extended family, school contacts, and even your workplace may offer to help — let them. Make the delegating easy on yourself by preparing a list of tasks that could potentially move off your plate, that helpers can pick and choose from.
Other times, like the present, you may be limited to the manpower of your immediate household. In this case, it can be helpful to lay all your cards on the table, to divide and conquer strategically. I’ve previously written about a helpful visual exercise, in which you make a notecard for each task and chore involved in running your household — including any additional “curveball tasks” — and divvy them up fairly, allowing everyone to pitch in to help the family.
In either case, remember to keep your sense of humor. Your helpers may be doing something for the first time — especially if they’re children. As a result, it may take them longer or they may do things differently than you do them yourself. Mistakes are bound to happen. But in times of crisis, we can’t cry over spilled milk. It’s best to thank your helper for their intention and simply laugh it off.
Rule #2: Take Impeccable Care of Yourself
It’s hard to be a rock when you feel out of sorts. In order to be in a position to soothe your kids, you first need to soothe yourself. Children rely on adult reactions to help them figure out how to understand and interpret what’s happening around them. The way you handle your attitude and emotions will set the tone for the way your child copes.
Resist the urge to become all about your to-do list — that will make it hard to slow down and tune into your own emotions and gauge how your kids are doing. Instead, take a rest at least once or twice a day. Give yourself a moment to detach from your responsibilities, take a deep breath, and check in with yourself. A five minute timeout can be a good thing. Setting a reminder on your phone to take a self-care break can help prevent the day from running away from you.
Remember: you won’t be good for anyone — or at handling the crisis at hand — if you run yourself ragged. Do your best to avoid overindulging in food, alcohol, social media or other unhealthy escapes. Instead, commit to eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Build happy moments into every day. In times of crisis, you’d be surprised how rejuvenating it can be to simply cook your favorite meal, listen to your favorite album while you tick through household chores, blow bubbles with your toddler in the backyard, or have a two-minute dance party in the living room.
Curveballs can deal a leveling blow. They disrupt our whole way of life, turning our systems upside down. They bring an onslaught of additional to-dos and a new meaning to the phrase, “it takes a village.” Whatever unexpected situations life has in store for you, remember they are made more manageable by getting some help and taking care of yourself first. Don’t be afraid to rely on your extended support networks and be diligent about carving out time to tune in and take care of yourself. You will be better equipped to handle the situation with grace while helping those around you cope.